Benny Got Run Over By a Reindeer
by x Rajah x
Summary: The Bohemians decide to go Christmas caroling, and end up in Westport, calling upon the doorstep of Alison Grey and the notorious Benjamin Coffin III. Now expanded: more Christmas tunes coming!
1. Benny Got Run Over By a Reindeer

Title: Benny Got Run Over by a Reindeer

Rating: T

Summary: The Bohemians decide to go Christmas caroling, and end up heading to Westport and calling at the doorstep of Alison Grey and the notorious Benjamin Coffin III. Holiday songfic. : Angel lives, all major characters included!

Notes: Ahaha, it always seems that a little thank-you must go out to Steph, as I always seem to be randomly inspired to write things while talking to her. : So, a little kudos to Stephanie Pascal is in order! (huggles)

Also a teensy little kudos to my brother as well.

Just trying to get a little into the holiday spirit. Yay!

Also, yes this based on that little ditty, "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer" by Elmo and Patsy. I don't own the original lyrics to that song, but the new lyrics in this fic are of my own creation.

ALSO VERY IMPORTANT, I THOUGHT IT WAS KIND OF OBVIOUS WHERE THE SONG BEGAN, SO I DIDN'T BOTHER TO ITALIZE THE LYRICS. YOU GET THE IDEA, I HOPE. I'M KIND OF LOW ON TIME AS I'M POSTING THIS! XD

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Maureen, not quite unexpectedly, burst into the loft one chilly evening before Christmas. She didn't bother knocking, as the action seemed unimportant compared to the brilliant idea that was churning within the diva's brain.

"Everyone!" She called cheerily, "We're going caroling!"

"Hello to you, too, Maureen." Collins said from the couch.

"Aw, hey Collins!" Maureen screamed in greeting, throwing her arms around her friend. "Where's everybody else off to?"

"Looking for me?" Mark said from behind his camera. "Close on Maureen Johnson, who is about to try and make us all go caroling with her."

"And I'm going to succeed, Marky." She said decidedly, wrapping her padded arms around Mark's torso in a hug. "Hey, what do you say you put down the camera, just for awhile, so we can go sing to people on their doorsteps?"

Mark shrugged, "Hey, I'm in. Collins?"

"Whatever."

Maureen beamed. "I knew I could count on you guys!"

Just then, the door flew open, revealing Joanne. "Honestly, Maureen! You could give your girlfriend a little warning before you sprint off into the snow while you're standing in line at the grocery store! I was dropping cantaloupes trying to keep up and little old ladies were tripping like crazy!"

"Aw, sorry, Pookie!" Maureen said brightly, placing a giant smooch on Joanne's face. "I was excited! I have this wonderful idea to go caroling, and..."

"Hey, guys!" Mimi greeted, entering the loft behind Joanne. "What's all this?"

"MIMI!" Maureen screeched, "We're going caroling!"

Mimi smiled. "Let me get my coat."

Maureen looked beside herself at Mimi's immediate agreement. She peered around the loft, "ROGER! GET YOUR COAT ON, IDIOT! WE'RE LEAVING!"

"Okay, goodbye." Roger muttered, coming into the main room with a huff.

"You're coming too, dumbass!"

"Says who?" Roger asked cockily, as Mark tightened his scarf around his neck.

"Says my fist." Maureen replied. "And you don't want to know what it will say if you refuse."

"Something along the lines of, 'Fuck you, Davis, we're going caroling right now, because I said so', I'm guessing." Angel said, as she appeared, flopping onto the couch beside Collins.

"ANGEL, YAY!" Maureen yelled.

"I heard something about caroling, so I hurried as fast as I could."

"Ang, I thought you were all the way down the street, drumming?" Collins asked.

"Like I said, I heard something about caroling, so I came."

"People over in Malaysia and Hong Kong heard something about caroling." Mark assured everyone, pointing not so discreetly at the loud-mouthed Maureen.

"They set off emergency caroling sirens." Angel concluded.

"I should get one of those..." Maureen interrupted quietly, then said louder, "Look, we have to get going! So Roger, quit being such a killjoy and get your coat on right now!"

"I'm not going to freeze my beautiful ass off by caroling in the fucking dead of winter. So you all have fun. Meanwhile, I'll warm my tootsies in front of the wood-burning stove and make cocoa with cinnamon... and little gingerbread cookies too! And I'll be merry. So ha!" Roger told them.

"Party pooper." Mimi spat playfully, as she entered the room, donning her leopard-print coat.

"Yeah! Gosh, Roger... you're no fun." Collins laughed from the couch.

"I see no fun in running around from door to door in the snow singing cheery holiday tunes." Roger pointed out.

They all stared at him. "You're blind, then.' Mimi stated.

Roger smirked, pursing his lips together in amusement.

"But you haven't heard the best part of the plan yet!" Maureen insisted urgently.

"No." Roger said quickly. "I haven't even heard it, and I already know my answer: No."

"But Roger!"

"No."

"Just let me..."

"No!"

"Come on..."

"Nope."

"Roger!"

"That's me.'

"Will you listen to me for just a second?"

"Hmmm. No."

"But..."

"NO!"

"ButwecangotoWestportandcarolatBennyandAlison's!" Maureen slurred all the words together so that Roger couldn't possibly interrupt.

Roger just stared. "I have no clue what the hell you just said, Mo."

"I said..."

"Never mind, I don't need to know anyway, because I believe I already said no."

"But ROGER!!!!" Maureen said, feigning tears and begging with him.

"Not working."

"ROGER DAVIS, YOU WILL GO CAROLING WITH ME OR I SWEAR, I'LL GIVE YOU CAT LITTER FOR CHRISTMAS, and NOTHING ELSE!" She threatened.

"I don't really give a..."

"GOSH, WHAT WILL IT TAKE TO...?"

"Just give up! I said no!"

"ROOOOGGGEEERRRRRRRR!"

Just then, in exasperation, Roger threw himself at the chair, crumpling his body lazily and rubbing his temples. "Shut up...!"

"If you go caroling, I will." Maureen promised.

"That I highly doubt.." Joanne whispered.

"POOKIE!" Maureen protested to her girlfriend.

"Sorry, honeybear." Joanne apologized abruptly.

Maureen, satisfied, yelled directly into Roger's ear. "ROGER, COME CAROLING RIGHT NOW!"

"Ahhhhh..." Roger moaned. "I swear, if you ask me one more time, I might just die."

Maureen crossed her arms in front of her chest. "Roger, will you please pretty please with holly, tinsel, candy canes, and all things of holiday cheer on top come caroling with us?"

"Noooo..." Roger sighed and closed his eyes.

"You killed him." Angel stated coldly. "Maureen, how could you?"

"He's faking it, obviously, Angel!"

"I know, sweetie. I was just kidding, of course!" Angel answered. "Drama queens." she whispered to Collins.

"Someone just bring Roger back to life already!!" Joanne announced, in her lawyer-voice.

Mimi graciously stepped forward. "Roger, baby, will you please pretty please with holly, tinsel, candy canes, and all things of holiday cheer on top wake up and come caroling with all of us?"

"Duh, I already tried that phrase, it doesn't affect him!" Maureen shouted.

"And..." Mimi said deviously. "... mistletoe!"

"MISTLETOE????!!!!" Roger screamed at the top of his voice, leaping into the air, hitting his head against the ceiling, and coming back down with a tremendous crash. "Owww."

"Roger loves mistletoe." Mimi said simply.

"Shit, Roger." Collins said, breathing heavily. "I think I may have just made gingerbread cookies in my pants."

Roger sat up on the floor, brushing himself off. "Alright, I'll go, if I get said promised mistletoe rendezvous... but that doesn't mean I'm going to like it."

"What the...? But Roger, you love terrorizing Muffy and Benny!" Mark said, confused.

"Who said anything about Muffy and Benny?"

"Maureen did, though incomprehensibly." Collins replied.

"Well, damn... if I had known we'd be crashing the Coffin Family Christmas, I'd have agreed straightaway!"

"Really?"

"Sure, with some mistletoe encounters thrown in on the side, yeah."

"YAY!" Maureen yelled. "Now get your coat on, and let's go to Westport!"

Soon, the Bohos were properly bundled for the weather, and were setting out to Westport. They took a subway for a good portion of their journey, and walked otherwise, sometimes stopping to perform for people on the street.

Mimi, face glowing turned to her friends. "I just love Christmas! This is so much fun! Isn't it Roger?"

Roger, shaking snowflakes from his hair irritably, replied. "Yeah, yeah... sure... wonderful, just wonderful, Meems."

"Well, I like the snow!" Angel declared, kissing Collins directly afterward.

"Me too." The professor mumbled almost inaudibly into Angel's lips.

Mark's teeth chattered as he added, "Th-there's a-a-always lots of b-bu-bums to f-film at Chr-ris-stmastime."

Everyone looked at Mark, trying not to laugh.

"Christmas is so cold." Roger mumbled moodily.

"An excuse to snuggle!" Maureen said brightly, leaning into Joanne.

Mimi threw an arm over Roger's shoulders and giggled. "Oh, c'mon, Rog, you can't stay grumpy for long, its Christmas... and we're about to make Muffy's jaw drop."

Roger sent her a sideways grin. "Joy to the world." He sang.

"Attaboy, Davis, warming up before we perform!" Maureen said, pleased.

"So... what are we going to sing to Muffster and Benjamin?" Collins asked, curious, as he broke away from Angel.

"I have just the thing." Maureen said, looking excited, with the flash of an evil glint in her eyes. "See, this is what we're going to do..."

Alison Grey was bustling about the spacious kitchen of the estate, numerous aromas of the gigantic Christmas dinner she was preparing filling the air around her. Her father was coming later that evening to celebrate with them, and she wanted everything to be just perfect.

"Merry Christmas from the Coffin household." Alison muttered under her breath, staring at the stack of leftover personally labeled stationery that remained from her mass sending of holiday greeting cards. Just then the doorbell rang. "Now who could that be...?"

And she opened the door.

She would regret this.

There on her doorstep, stood a band of raggedy-looking Bohemians, all smiling ear-to-ear.

"Why, Merry Christmas, Miss!" One chirped gleefully. Alison eyed this Bohemian suspiciously, confused by the large platform shoes and Santa suit.

"What...?" She began.

"Oh, forgive us, we are so rude!" A young woman with long, dark hair interjected. "Miss Alison Grey, would you do us the honor of allowing us to sing you a little song?"

"Oh, carolers." Alison said with disdain. "Well, I don't think..."

"Nonsense, just a quick song, to bid you happy holidays!" The tall black man with the beanie boomed, grinning widely.

"Well, I'm sorry, but I'm trying to cook a dinner, and I don't..."

"We'll only take a couple minutes of your time." The skinny blond man squeaked, pulling his scarf tight around him.

"I'm very sorry, but you can't..." Alison tried one last time.

"Just let us sing you a Merry Fucking Christmas song, Muffy." Another Bohemian, outfitted in plaid and leather, said, looking proud and triumphant.

"Muffy?" Alison said. "What...? I'm sorry, do I know you?"

"How's Benny?" He asked accusingly.

"Oh... you're all friends of his?" Alison was puzzled, and pulled the door open wider, allowing them to step inside.

The Bohemians all looked at one another, their plan unraveling.

"You could say so. We have some grim news about him for you, Muffy." Collins said slowly.

"My name is Ali-..." She started.

"Maybe you should sit down." Mimi said kindly, leading her to a dining chair.

"What is this all about? Listen, I don't mean to be rude, but I just cleaned the house..."

"What, do we look dirty, Muffy?" Maureen asked, in shock.

"Well..." Alison started. "Um... I have to bake this Christmas dinner... and..."

"Christmas dinner?" Mark questioned. "Muffy, you'll be concerned with more than spiraled honey ham after we say what we have to say."

"Spiraled honey ham?" Roger said, rather loudly, eyeing the meat. "I mean... um... yeah, Muffy."

"It's Alison." She said coldly, watching the Bohemians as they wandered around the kitchen.

"Oh, I just love what you've done with the place, so festive!" Angel squealed.

"Ang, focus!" Mimi scolded.

"Sorry."

"I'm sorry, folks, but I have no time for company at the moment..." Alison tried again.

"We told you." Collins said importantly. "We have news for you, news you must hear."

"I thought you all were carolers!"

"We are." Roger said, as if it were obvious. "Carolers bearing terrible news about a certain Benjamin Coffin, the Third."

"My husband." She stated carefully. "He's upstairs in the office. Shall I fetch him for you? Though I think whatever business you should need to attend to concerning him can wait, I'm busy... and so is he."

"He ain't busy, toots." Collins said soothingly. "I don't know how to tell you this but... Benny's no longer... with us."

Alison looked up. "I don't know what you're talking about. Now if you would be so kind..." She started to lead them toward the door.

"Your husband has partaken in a Christmas tragedy, and you don't care?" Joanne asked mildly.

"Like I said before, Benny's upstairs. Now please... I have a lot to do..."

"Oh, yes, we understand..." Roger started. "Funeral arrangements, gotta get Coffin a coffin..."

"He's not dead!" Alison protested.

"Are you calling me a liar?" Angel asked sweetly. "Why, Miss Grey! I am appalled!"

"Your dear husband Mister Benjamin Coffin the Third was found dead this very morning." Maureen said solemnly.

"I don't believe you. I saw him this morning and he's upstairs at this very moment." Alison said calmly, not doubting herself for a minute. "Say, aren't you Maureen Johnson? The girl who had that protest about the 11th street lot?"

"Pleased to be of service, ma'am." Maureen said between her teeth.

Alison, the truth hitting her, gazing around at the Bohemians in disdain. "Oh... you're those slackers Benny tells me about..."

"That we are." Collins agreed seriously.

She stared at them. "Please leave. Benny's not dead, we're about to have Christmas dinner with my father..."

"You're the one who invited us in." Mimi pointed out. "Now can you let us finish our story?"

"A story of fiction from a group of low-life carolers?" She answered snippily. "Not interested."

"Being the good citizen that I am, I simply cannot allow you to pass up this news." Angel said fluidly. "Now let us tell you the story of the death of Benjamin Coffin the Third."

"But he's not d-..." Alison stopped in shock as Angel grabbed the pot of potatoes, banging two forks upon it like a drum. "What...?"

Joanne withdrew a set of jingle bells and began to tinkle them rhythmically.

"I said I don't have time for this..." She protested.

"Benny got run over by a reindeer!" Collins cheered, spinning around the kitchen like a madman. "Coming over to our loft for the rent!"

Alison sighed heavily.

"You can say there's no such thing as Santa!" Mark called, pointing to Angel, outfitted in the costume. "But meanwhile his big, bald head's got a...dent!" He rhymed desperately.

Alison stood up. "Please, I'm not..."

"Sit down, Muffy, we've just started!" Mimi told her.

"He'd been married to Muffy!" Roger sang, "And he became a fat a-hole!"

"So he decidedly got trampled..." Maureen added joyfully, "By some jolly fat old man from the North Pole!"

"Benny!" Alison called, trying to get her husband to come downstairs.

Joanne skipped over to the stereo and flipped off the soft Christmas Mannheim Steamroller tunes that were playing. "When we found him the next morning..." She put in, smiling.

"We all laughed until we cried!" Mimi said, giggling.

"He was lying in the gutter!" Roger exclaimed, twirling Mimi around and around.

"What an ironic place for Benny to have died..." Mark mused softly.

"Benny got run over by a reindeer!" All of the Bohemians chorused. "Coming over to our loft for the rent! You can say there's no such thing as Santa, but meanwhile his big, bald head's got a dent!"

"BENNY!" Alison screamed. "You have GUESTS!"

"Now we're all a little wary of Muffy." Mark said, eyeing Alison in mock unease.

"Though she's been taking this so well." Collins added, as if complimenting Alison.

"Drinking beer and going clubbing!" Mimi sang.

"While Benny's traitorous yuppie ass burns in hell!" Roger interjected, causing Alison's eyes to widen, and everyone else to laugh.

"What is it, Allie?" Benny's voice was heard from upstairs.

"YOU HAVE COMPANY!" Alison yelled.

"WHAT?!!!" Benny screamed.

"I SAID YOU HA-...!" Alison was cut off as the Bohemians continued, ignoring Benny.

"There's no conflict without Benny." Maureen sang, almost sadly, "No one to stop all of my shows!"

"No one to break up Mimi and Roger!" Mark pointed out, as Roger and Mimi started to make out in the corner under Alison's mistletoe.

Alison looked disgusted.

"Ooh, that looks fun, Pookie!" Maureen said to Joanne.

"Later, Maureen, we're caroling." Joanne replied, with a roll of her eyes.

"And celebration party guest list still grows!" Collins said, kissing Angel's cheek as she drummed.

"Benny got run over by a reindeer! Coming over to our loft for the rent! You can say there's no such thing as Santa, but meanwhile his big, bald head's got a dent!" They plugged onward.

"BENNY, COME DOWNSTAIRS RIGHT NOW!" Alison yelled desperately.

"What, Allie? Alright, fine! I'm on my way!" Benny's voice responded.

"Now we continue to live rent-free!" Mimi exclaimed excitedly.

"We can hardly say we're sad." Angel added, grinning.

"The amount of people mourning Benny's loss..." Roger started, smirking and popping a handful of peppermints into his pockets from the tin on the table. "Would've just have matched the hairs Benny never had!"

Alison scowled at him, and Roger did what any mature man would do in the situation, stuck his tongue out at her.

"We've told all the bums and streetfolk!" Mark told Alison. "'Benny's dead, see for yourselves!'"

"You can sit your ass on his Range Rover!" Roger called out.

"And send a silent thanks to the big man with the elves!" Maureen finished jubilantly.

"Benny!" Alison cried, as the man himself appeared in the doorway to the kitchen looking astonished.

"Guys, what are you doing here?"

"Benny got run over by a reindeer! Coming over to our loft for the rent! You can say there's no such thing as Santa, but meanwhile his big, bald head's got a dent!" They chorused.

Benny, jaw slack, simply stood there.

"Sing it, Benny!" Roger called mockingly.

Silence.

Angel shrugged and withdrew herself from the act of drumming. "Benny got run over by a reindeer! Coming over to our loft for the rent!"

"You can say there's no such thing as Santa," Mimi began.

"But meanwhile his big, bald head's got a..." Maureen stopped, then pointed to Roger, who leapt toward Benny, and sang dramatically.

"DDDDDDDDDDDEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!"

Benny shook his head, rubbing his ears. "All of you... OUT!"

Roger dipped low, bowing solemnly.

"Wait, we caroled for you.' Mark pointed out. "And we get nothing? Not even some figgy pudding?"

"NO!" Benny shouted. "OUT!"

The Bohemians tromped proudly out of the Westport estate, looking quite pleased with themselves.

Once they were far enough away. they all burst out laughing.

"THAT WAS FUCKING HILARIOUS!" Maureen jeered, giggling hysterically.

"Oh yes, great idea, Mo!" Mimi replied.

"I'm full of 'em." She answered, smiling.

"Yeah... that was too funny." Roger stated, hugging Mimi under the snowy skies.

"Say..." Mark began. "Where's Collins?"

Everyone looked around. "Collins?" Angel called.

"Shit, I hope he got out, Benny could call the police if he didn't listen." Mark said slowly.

"Damn." Angel said, looking anxious.

"Hey!" A voice called. They all turned around.

Collins was running toward them, something cradled in his arms.

"Hey, guys!" He yelled. They all rushed to him.

"Collins, what?" Mark asked, staring at the platter he had in his hands.

Collins smiled evilly. "I'm dreaming of a white, right Christmas!" He sang, and removed the lid.

There sat a perfectly cooked spiraled honey ham.

"Collins..." Mimi breathed. "How did you...?"

"It's the weirdest thing." Collins said. "I grabbed it and ran, and the funny thing is, Benny just stood there as Muffy screamed, he could've stopped me."

"Really?" Angel asked.

"Yeah, and he was smiling, laughing even!" Collins said, amused. "I think he liked our performance, guys!"

Angel threw her arms around him, excited.

"I don't get it... why would he like us singing about him dying by a reindeer's hooves?" Joanne mused quietly. Everyone thought for a moment.

"Maybe all that 'Have Yourself a Yuppie Fucking Christmas' finally made him sick?" Roger put forth, and Mimi slapped him playfully, laughing.

Mark looked at the meat in awe. "Maybe they had an extra ham or something?"

"Or maybe Benny's alright after all?" Angel suggested.

The Bohemians stopped and paused for a minute.

"Too bad he got flattened by Rodney." Roger said seriously.

"Rodney, Roger?" Angel asked, confused.

"Yeah... Rodney. The one with the red nose.' Roger stated. "You know, won't you guide my sleigh tonight?" He sang.

And we was, of course, quite perturbed when all of the other Bohemians started laughing.

"What?"

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HAPPY HOLIDAYS, EVERYONE!

…just a fun little oneshot, not to be taken too seriously. :

**Reviewers get virtual candy canes, but no flames! Flaming gets you put on Santa's naughty list, don't you know?**

Also: I had considered expanding this to include other Bohemian Christmas carols, but ultimately decided not to. I'd like your opinion on whether this should stay a oneshot, or should the Bohos sing some more silly Christmas tunes? Because I had a great deal of fun writing the parody lyrics for this one, and more would be pretty fun too, I expect.


	2. Have Yourself a Yuppie Fking Christmas

Haahahah, WOW! I'm delighted by all the positive responses! THANKS!

I'm tickled that you enjoyed it so much, so, I wrote another!

This is just a continuation of the last chapter. I couldn't resist it after Roger mentioned it... kinda. Have fun!

Note: Thank you to Stephanie for the line, "May your house burn down." :)

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Collins kept the ham cradled safely within his coat, checking it periodically as if it could slip past his notice. The Bohemians continued to tromp merrily through the snow, highly amused by the scene they had just made.

"I'm telling you, Roger... the red-nosed reindeer is Rudolph." Mimi was saying.

"That doesn't sound right at all." Roger wrinkled his nose. "I'm positive it was Rodney, Mimi, I was a kid once too you know!

"I was a kid more recently than you were." Mimi scoffed.

"But you're old for your age, right?" Roger demanded. "What is 'Rodney' not sophisticated enough for you? You have to make it 'Rudolph'?"

"Roger, I didn't name him. But his name is Rudolph."

"Who named him?"

"Mr. and Mrs. Donner, I don't know!"

"Mr. and Mrs. Donner are fucking stupid, then."

"Roger, they're reindeer. It's a children's story. Why are you making such a big deal about this, anyway?"

"I'm not allowed to be passionate about something?'

Mimi sighed dramatically, as the Bohemians walked past a ritzy district, streetlamps flickering ominously.

Maureen, up ahead, stopped dead in her tracks. "Fuck. Where are we?"

"MAUREEN! YOU GOT US LOST?" Joanne shrieked.

"Relax, Jo. We're not lost; I simply don't know exactly where we are."

"Lost." Joanne sighed, echoing Mimi.

"Is there a problem, guys?" Angel asked sweetly.

"Yes, Mo got us lost." Mimi whispered, looking around at their surroundings.

Angel nodded. "Alright, everyone calm down. Does anything around here look familiar?"

Roger snorted. "Yeah... looks like YuppieVille."

"Besides that?"

Mimi cocked her head to the side. "Um... I don't know..."

"Collins? Do you know where we are?" Maureen asked desperately.

"Mmmm... baby, you're delicious, you know that? Fuck, I love you... come to me, mmmm..." Collins was saying.

Angel gasped. "THOMAS B. COLLINS! You had better quit fucking flirting with that bird before I give you a piece of my mind!"

"Ham isn't a bird." Collins stated calmly.

"It's not? Then what is it?" angel asked nervously.

"Oink oink oink!" Roger whispered.

"WHAT?"

"Um... Wilbur? Babe?" Joanne told Angel.

"PIG?" Angel asked, astonished. "PEOPLE EAT PIGS? That's terrible."

"People eat all kinds of things, Angel." Mimi reasoned.

"Hell, people could eat shit if they truly wanted to." Collins added.

"Well, any human that can eat a pig..." Angel shuddered. "I don't even know. I don't like hurting living things simply to get a meal. I don't even like killing the grass on the ground, it's mean!"

"Ang, what do you think a salad is?" Roger asked.

"SHUT UP, ROGER!" Angel's lower lip quivered. "YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW!"

"Excuse me, is there a problem here?" A clipped voice asked.

The Bohos all turned to find a silver-haired man staring at them, probably because they looked very out of place in the neighborhood they were now in.

"Mr. Grey?' Maureen asked, in shock.

Mr. Grey's eyes widened as he recognized the Bohemians who had been so kind to give him a show at the Life Cafe after a certain Maureen Johnson's protest.

"Top of the morning to you, Mr. Grey!" Collins greeted.

"It's nighttime." Mr. Grey said dryly.

"Well, fuck, so much for small talk, man."

"Can I help you? You look rather misplaced, I think."

"You look rather fucking ugly, I think." Roger told him, with a straight face.

"Never mind, I have no time for this..." Mr. Grey began to walk away from them. "I have a Christmas dinner to eat..."

"Ham?" Collins asked deviously.

"Yes, my daughter's making ham."

"PIG MURDERER!" Angel said tearfully.

"Dog murderer." Roger whispered.

"SHUT UP, ROGER! AT LEAST I DIDN'T EAT EVITA!"

"Wait, Mr. Grey!" Mimi called out, suddenly remembering that they were supposed to be caroling despite it all. "Please, give us a moment. I know I have something to say, and I'm sure my friends do too."

"I don't have a moment. Now please, I have to go..."

In a flash, Collins ripped the hat from Mr. Grey's head, keeping him in the Bohos' vicinity.

"Please, give me my hat back."

"Hmmm. No." Collins put it on his own head, over his beanie, and, being much taller than Mr. Grey, it was safe.

Mr. Grey, beside himself with anger, turned beet red. "I told you, I'm low on time..."

"Trust me, your daughter needs a little extra time for an emergency ham run." Mark spoke up finally.

"What have you been doing all this time?" Angel asked Mark.

Mark slunk away from Collins, wiping bits of ham from his face with his scarf. "Nothing in particular."

"Listen, I'm in no mood for your jokes, so hand over the hat and I'll be on my way."

Roger looked at Maureen, who nodded. "Go on." she whispered.

Roger jumped into the air and whipped the hat from Collins' head, holding it out to Mr. Grey. "Here you are, Mr. Grey. And let me just say, on behalf of everyone on Avenue A..."

He cleared his throat and began to sing in an almost joyous fashion, "Have yourself a Yuppie Fucking Christmas."

"Upon chewed gum, may you sit." Maureen added lightly.

"May your Christmas stocking be full of dog shit." Roger sang slowly and seriously, and Mr. Grey could only stand and stare, flabbergasted.

"Have yourself a Yuppie Fucking Christmas." Mimi joined in.

"May your house burn down." Collins sang deeply.

The song continued, solemn.

"Because you're the ugly ass Grinch of this town." Angel finished, stifling a giggle.

"From us all, happy holidays!" Mark sang in Mr. Grey's face. "We hope your silk suit frays to scrap!"

Mr. Grey looked down, patting his outfit protectively.

"Special to you from us-..." Joanne put in. "May your Christmas... be crap."

"Through it all, you've been the pain in our ass," Maureen spun around a lamppost, and Angel joined her, because, duh, it looked fun.

"And for that we say..." Mimi picked up. "Thanks for nothing, we're grateful for your kind ways!"

"Have yourself a Yuppie Fucking Christmas, Mr. Grey!" All of the Bohos chorused happily, enjoying the look on his face.

"May your Christmas be basically shitty," Mark told him, shaking his pointer finger.

"That'd be pretty... fair." Collins deduced.

"May Christmas for you be a pleasure..." Maureen said, face flushed with amusement.

"May your tires be slashed!" Mimi threw in.

"By heavy objects, let your toasty feet be smashed!" Angel added, unable to keep from laughing.

Then, the Bohos all turned to look at Roger, who shook the hat that was still in his hands.

"And have yourself a Yuppie Fucking Christmas... ASS!' Roger finished triumphantly.

Mr. Grey, eyes as big as dinner platters, snatched his hat and ran away, sliding on the ice as he tore around the street corner and falling onto his yuppie ass.

The Bohos all laughed.

"Now... let's figure out what to do about this 'lost' business..." Maureen said, getting everyone back on track.

"I thought you said we WEREN'T lost, honeybear." Joanne pointed out.

"I mean, we aren't. I know exactly where we are."

"Where?" Mimi asked, looking doubtful.

"New York!" Maureen said, bursting into laughter.

"Ha..." Roger replied, sounding much like Squidward. "Ha...haha."

------

Okay, that song is **ridiculously short**. By the way, I'm open to any song

suggestions?!!!

So...

Will the Bohos get "unlost"?

What caroling adventures will they get into next?

Find out on the next episode!!! XD


	3. Dear Santa, from the Bohos

Alright guys. This is probably the last one of its kind for now, because yes, the holiday season is busy enough… plus I have other fics to update.

So… maybe next Christmas?

This one's a suggestion from Steph. I end up thanking her in every chapter, some how or another! XD

-------

Maureen glared at Roger. "Shut up, Roger. Must you always be such a PoutyPlaidPants?"

"He must. It's his destiny." Mimi told her as Roger just looked confused.

Joanne threw her arms into the air. "Ok, guys… really. We're lost in the middle of the city and need to figure out where we are!"

"We need… a map." Angel deduced.

"_Santa baby, slip a map guide under the tree, for me!"_ Maureen sang happily.

The Bohos laughed at her song outburst, but hey, there WERE supposed to be caroling, so they went along with it.

"_I've been an awful good girl,"_ Maureen said innocently, as Roger snorted and Collins rolled his eyes.

"_Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight!"_ Mimi finished.

"Fuck that." Collins spoke up. "For real, guys, I don't want a stupid map for Christmas."

"I've got all I need." Angel cooed sweetly, kissing Collins on the nose. "But you know what would be nice…" She caught herself, almost embarrassed. "Never mind."

"Aw, come on, Angel, what would you want for Christmas?" Mark asked, twiddling his thumbs, for his camera had been left at home and his hands itched for it.

"Never mind!" Angel insisted, giggling.

Mimi stood up tall. "Well…." Then she paused. "I haven't done this in awhile but… _Santa baby, some new rubber dancing pants too, light blue_."

"What's wrong with your old ones?" Angel asked curiously.

Both Roger and Mimi looked mysteriously at each other.

"They, um…. ripped. Kinda." Mimi muttered.

"Hahaaha!" Collins guffawed, clapping Roger on the shoulder. "RIPPPPPP!" He imitated.

"You're hilarious." Roger assured him sarcastically.

Mimi ignored their immaturity and pressed on. _"I'd be so grateful dear, Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight!"_

Angel looked to the antsy filmmaker. "What about you, Marky? What would you like for Christmas?"

Mark turned bright red. "Aw, no…nothing, just… nothing."

"There must be something."

"How about sex for Christmas? Never fails." Collins asked. "And…how's long's it been, Mark?"

"SHUT UP COLLINS!" Mark roared. "It's impolite to ask Santa for sex."

"You're not his type, anyway." Roger added, laughing.

"That's not what I meant, and you know it, Rog!" Mark looked as red as a strawberry by now.

"Fine… a girlfriend then? Some companionship?" Angel asked nicely.

Mark scowled. "Santa can't bring me a girlfriend."

"Why? Because you're Jewish?" Mimi asked. "What the hell, Mark? Santa would bring you something if you asked."

"Santa's not bringing anything, because Santa's not real." Whispered Joanne.

"Shhh. Joanne! Don't spoil Marky-poo's first Christmas!" Maureen hollered.

"This is ridiculous, you guys…" Mark tried. Then, he just gave up. Just like that…. and with a spin, he was dancing along the sidewalk, twirling his scarf to the imaginary tune.

_"Think of all the fun I've missed,"_ He lamented, _"Think of all the ladies that I haven't kissed…"_

"A lot." Maureen confirmed. "Only me, I think."

Mark ignored her. _"The New Year could be oh so…. happy, if you'd check off my Christmas list!"_

"_Boo doo bee doo!" _Collins provided in a deep voice for the background.

Finally Angel stepped forward, looking almost shy. _"Santa honey, I wanna new pair of designer heels, for real! I've been an angel all year, Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight."_

Meanwhile, Benny was walking toward the grocery store, sent on the aforementioned emergency ham run. _"Santa, please, there's one thing I don't my need in my life… my wife. She annoys the hair off my head, Santa, please, and hurry down the chimney tonight." _He sang to himself.

"_Santa baby, fill my stocking with no pranks or tricks."_ Mark asked kindly.

"_And chicks!"_ Roger supplied, to receive a half-hearted slap.

"_Bring me Stoli, that's fine!"_ Collins requested, and Angel laughed loudly.

"_Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight." _Mimi added for them, also giggling at the silly answers.

"_Come and kill Benny for me,"_ Roger declared. _"With some decorations bought at Tiffany's, even better, leave that job to me, as long as I'm not considered… 'naughty'!"_

"Killing Benny with decorations?" Mimi responded, confused.

"Sounds fun, huh?" Roger replied, looking excited.

"_Um...boo doo bee doo?"_ Collins added awkwardly.

"Santa baby, forgot to mention one character, Joanne." The authoress sang, sounding dismayed. "Sorry."

All of the Bohos looked at her, puzzled. Joanne, however, looked half-grateful to be remembered.

"I don't mean any harm," Rajah assured the Big Man at the North Pole. "Santa baby, bring Joanne something lawyer-related!"

Joanne nodded quickly. _"Hurry down the chimney tonight!"_

"_Hurry down the chimney tonight!" _All of the lovely Bohos finished.

------

Wow, that song is pretty short too.

So… did I get it right? Marky wants a GIRRRLLFFFRRIIEENND for Christmas.

XD

Reviews? Early Christmas presents for me?


	4. The Bohemian Christmas Song

Okay, so I lied. That last one… wasn't The Last One.

Heck, there might be more after this.

They're too fun. (Crazed look in eyes)

Ahahah. No really, I'm loving writing these, and they're quick and easy. :D

So enjoy this one. It's The Christmas Song, Bohos style. (Thanks Steph.)

--------

"Well, now what?" Asked Joanne, still a little concerned about how the Bohos were so lost.

"We sing more carols!" Mimi suggested brightly.

"All night, and never go home?" Maureen asked, looking a little frustrated.

"Sure, why not?" Angel gushed, waving her hands through the falling snowflakes. "It's beautiful out here!"

"New York's dangerous, especially at night… and it's cold. We shouldn't stay out too long." Mark reasoned, finally starting to recover from his embarrassment.

"Marky's right." Collins agreed. "It's getting really chilly out."

"Chilly?" Roger questioned, "I'm freezing over here."

"I'll warm you up…" Mimi offered, flouncing over and snuggling with him.

"Aww, how gosh dern cute." Collins said dryly, prying his lips off of Angel's conspicuously.

"Like you can talk, Collins." Maureen told him.

"Well, Angel and I are damn cute. Roger and Mimi are gosh dern cute… which is a lesser cute than damn cute."

"Collins has the cuteness levels all worked out." Angel explained.

"How cute of him." Roger said, grinning.

"Shut up." Collins mumbled, and started kissing Angel again.

Mark rubbed his hands together. "Brr. I could use some hot cocoa and a toasty fire right about now."

"We could roast marshmallows!" Maureen yelped excitedly.

"What is this, some fifth grade camping trip?" Joanne argued.

"I like marshmallows…" Roger murmured dreamily, drooling a little.

"Better yet…" Collins whispered conspiratorially. "We could roast eviction papers!"

"Whoa! Déjà vu, big time…" Roger said, snapping out of his reverie. "I feel like I've done this before!"

Mimi rolled her eyes. "Sounds very Christmassy, Collins."

Angel nodded, "Yay! _Eviction notices roasting in a trash can fire…"_

_"Rodney's the one with the red nose!" _Roger put in triumphantly, and to Mimi's great disdain.

"_Christmas Bells __being sung by bums…" _Collins added seriously.

_"And folks dressed up like bohos!" _Mark indicated his scarf cheerfully, and the other Bohemians laughed at him.

"_Everybody knows some Stoli and a hot plate help to make the season bright!" _Roger crooned, sending Angel a meaningful look.

"_Roger Davis, with his eyes burning angry, will likely murder Benny tonight." _Mark said to a high-five from Roger himself.

"_They say that Mr. Grey's on his way…"_ Maureen sang dramatically. _"He's got plans for a studio and wants his pay!"_

"_But every real Boho would rather die…"_ Mimi finished, giggling, _"Than see Bohemia torched by some fat yuppie guy."_

"And so, we're offering this simple song… to Bohos, tent city residents, squatters too…. although it's been said many times, many ways…" Joanne inserted, smiling.

"_Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas to... You!"_ Mimi sang brightly.

"Mimi, merry ain't in their vocabulary. They can't understand you." Angel told her friend.

"Well, it's the thought that counts." Mimi assured her.

"Oh good." Angel had been worried.

--------

See what I mean? Ridiculously short and easy.

So don't be surprised if I write more… 

Reviewers get their choice of virtual candy canes or virtual chocolate Santas!

Thanks for reading! Happy holidays!!


	5. Little Drummer Angel

Okay, so I'm in a really good/Christmassy mood, and since these are so short, I decided to write a couple. See, because I have this plan for the end…. but Christmas is fast approaching, so I gotta hurry!

I am awarding you lovely reviewers several installments at once, because I feel like it. :

However, you MUST PROMISE TO REVIEW. LOL.

Hope everyone's holidays are spiffy-grand!

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"Well that was nice." Mimi continued happily, thoroughly cheery about the caroling trip despite their state of being lost.

"Do we have any idea where we are yet?" Joanne asked anxiously.

"Dammit, Manhattan, why'd you have to be so big?" Maureen asked irritably.

"Because Little Apple sounds dumb?" Angel suggested.

"Good point!"

"Hey, Roger! Go ask someone for directions!" Maureen shouted at the rocker.

"What?"

"I said… go ask someone for directions!"

"Ask who?"

"Someone."

"Why?" Roger asked, repositioning himself beside Mimi and kissing her ferociously.

"Because we're lost."

"You're the one who got us lost, honeybear." Joanne pointed out. "You should have to get us out of this mess."

"And caroling was YOUR idea." Collins told her.

"Fine. Don't help." Maureen muttered angrily. "Just walk around pointlessly making out and stirring up oozing wads of jealousy among the fangirls…. ahem ahem…ROGER."

"Wha?" Asked Roger, resurfacing for air.

"Oh, never mind!" Maureen yelled, frustrated.

"Aw, Mo, sweetie, we can't help it. Christmas is such a romantic time of year. And you know, my Collins and I met on Christmas Eve… it's very special to us."

Maureen's face cracked into a tiny smile. "Yeah… I suppose you're right."

"Roger and Mimi have a similar story. Right guys?"

The only semblance of an answer they received was assorted mumblings.

"Right." Angel said softly. "My life with my Collins began on Christmas Eve. This season is important to us."

Then, Angel twirled around spontaneously. "I love Christmas!"

The child-like joy on her face made Collins laugh deeply.

"Me too. It's when I was saved by an Angel."

"Aw, I was just a little drummer boy." Angel patted her wig and giggled. _"Collins was in need, pa rum pum pum pum…! Lying in the alley, pa rum pum pum pum! __I found him; he found me, pa rum pum pum pum! And we were so happy, pa rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum."_

Everyone grinned widely at the start of another carol.

_"So I walked with him, pa rum pum pum pum, me and my drum."_ Angel said with a laugh, dancing in the snow.

"_Angelcake, so sweet, pa rum pum pum pum." _Collins sang deeply._ "I am a gay boy too, pa rum pum pum pum! I have AIDS just like you, pa rum pum pum pum! You are an Angel true, pa rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum!"_

Angel laughed, and the other Bohos watched, entertained.

"_Shall I hold hands with you, pa rum pum pum pum, you and your drum?"_

Angel grabbed Collins' hand then, brushing snowflakes off of his beanie playfully.

"And then I nodded, pa rum pum pum pum… we grew close in no time, pa rum pum pum pum. I played my drum for him, pa rum pum pum pum…he held my purse for me, pa rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum!"

There was a small pause.

"Then he smiled at me, pa rum pum pum pum! Me and my drum."

This, of course, was followed by a passionate makeout session.

Mimi and Maureen let out a simultaneous: "AWWW."

Joanne still looked worried about being lost.

Roger, stood, openmouthed, looking aghast. "Shit, Collins was right! He and Angel ARE damn cute. Fuck, I'm crying!"

--------

Did I just make Roger cry over that sap?

XD

How cheesy can you get? LOL.

More on the way, keep a lookout!

REVIEWS?


	6. Roger Rocks Around the Xmas Tree

Hey, I'm at two in one night!

Okay, Angel had a solo. Roger's turn. (Thanks again, Steph…. XD)

----------

Mimi was of course, laughing at Roger. As were all of the Bohos.

"Shut up." Roger said tearfully. "You all act as if I don't have a heart."

"What happened to Roger? What happened to his heart? And the ideals… he once pursued…?" Mark appeared, singing gleefully.

"MARK!" Maureen shouted. "Where were you?"

"Um…" Mark blushed. "Nowhere."

"FUCK!" Came a scream. "Where'd my ham go?"  
"Collins, how could you lose an entire ham?" Joanne asked, amused.

"Ummm…" Mark repeated.

"MARK, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE KEEPING KOSHER!" Angel shrieked. "AND YOU ATE A PIG! YOU SICK SICK HUMAN BEING! GO CRAWL INTO A HOLE AND THINK ABOUT THE TERRIBLE DEED YOU'VE DONE!"

"Never mind that." Roger grumbled. "He ate the whole fucking thing. Mark, some of us may have wanted a bit of that. Merry fucking Christmas, eh, buddy?"

"Sorry…" Mark mumbled.

"No. You ruined my Christmas. Fucking Grinch." Roger said, trying not to laugh.

"Guys, really it was just a ham." Mimi reasoned. "We can get another."

"With what money?" Roger asked dramatically. "Zoom in on my empty wallet. _Mi cartera sin dinero."_

"What's with the Spanish?" Mimi questioned, confused.

"Um… _feliz Navidad?" _Roger offered.

"Fine enough."

"Hey, um…guys?" Maureen asked. "Money might not be necessary. Look."

She pointed, and the Bohos followed her finger to a figure just ahead, hunched over a freshly bought holiday ham.

"Benny, shit." Roger and Mark muttered.

"Guys, that's a good thing, don't you see?"

"Great! Fuck."

"Ho…ho…ho." Collins muttered. "Thank you, Santa."

"Hey BENNY!" Mark called. "THAT ATTITUDE TOWARD THE HOMELESS IS EXACTLY WHAT MAUREEN IS PROTESTING!"

Benny turned around, eyes wide. "Shit, NOT YOU GUYS!"

"Surprise! MERRY CHRISTMAS BENNY!" All the Bohos cheered, running up to him.

"Look, about the whole reindeer thing…" Mimi started.

"I don't want to talk about it." Benny cut her off abruptly.

"You know…" Mark jumped in. "Mimi's going to be at Maureen's show tonight. You should come too… I hate to see you miss out on something that could be good for you."

"QUIT QUOTING THE LIBRETTO/SCRIPT!" Benny roared. "Marky, YOU RUIN EVERYTHING!"

"Happy spring."

"IT'S WINTER!" Benny shouted back.

Thud. Roger smacked Mark upside the head. "DON'T STEAL MY FUCKING LINES!"

"Can we please focus?" Joanne asked.

"Sure, Pookie." Maureen said brightly.

"What do you want, anyway?" Benny asked angrily.

"Want… what do I want… the RENT!" Mark said.

Benny was at this point baffled. "What rent?"

"This past year's rent which I let slide." Mark answered cheekily.

"Let slide...?" Benny began, and then frowned. "I'm warning you Mark, you'd better shut up, RIGHT NOW."

"But you said we were golden!" Mark protested.

"Mark, you're not golden. In fact, you are very white. If you'd like to be golden, perhaps you should consider tanning!"

"LOL!" Roger LOLed.

Benny scowled. "What I am even doing here?"

"Remember you live here?" Maureen said, puzzled, eyeing the yuppie scum street.

"How could he forget: me, him, Collins, and MAUREEN! How is the drama queen?" Mark continued annoyingly.

"I'm fine, thank you." Maureen replied.

"Still quoting the libretto?" Benny asked, sounding angry.

"You're not mad?" Mark asked.

"I'm here to end this war." Benny motioned to the ham. "It's a shame you went a stole my HAM!" Then, he realized what he said and smacked himself.

"Hey, Benny, look, there's a bum on your Range Rover!" Collins shouted angrily.

Benny turned quickly. "GET YOUR ASS OFF THAT ROVER, GROVER!"

"Sorry." Grover flew back to Sesame Street.

"Okay…where was I?" Benny continued, turning around.

Only to see the retreating backs of the Bohos as they ran away, Collins cradling the ham in his arms once again.

"…………… fuck." He trudged back toward the grocery store.

The Bohos, laughing, took refuge around a bench, crowding around to gaze at the beautiful meat.

"Yum." Mark murmured.

"No, Mark. You're not eating all of this one." Collins said protectively.

"It's…. it's gorgeous…" Roger muttered, tears of joy streaming down his face.

"What's with him lately?" Maureen asked, confused.

"Hormones." Angel answered.

"Aw, Roger, you softie!" Mimi said, with a hug.

"What?" Roger said, confused. "I'm not crying! My contact lens just wrinkled in my eye."

"Roger… you don't wear contacts."

"I don't tell you how to live your life!"

The Bohos paused a moment, confused. "Okay…"

"This Christmas is going to be ROCKIN'!" Mark squealed oddly. "Right, Roger? O King of Rockin'?"

Roger's face lit up. "Wait… I missed something. When did we get to Disney Land?"

"ARE YOU HIGH?" Mimi asked, beyond weirded out by all of this.

"Let me revisit my childhood, please, GOSH."

"Guys!" Joanne interrupted. "LOOK!"

She pointed up at a sign that read, "Avenue A".

"Shit, we ran far!" Collins said.

"But we aren't done caroling!" Mimi replied, disappointed.

"Wait… ROCKIN' Christmas?" Roger said, reaction delayed. "Guys, LOOK!"

There sat a tiny, Charlie-Brownesque Christmas tree decked out in lights.

Roger ran over, looking delighted. "PRETTTYYY."

The other Bohos followed, also amused by the tree, not to mention Roger's interesting mood.

Blame the weirdo authoress writing this.

When they reached Roger, he was dancing in a circle around the small tree_."Rocking around the Christmas Tree…. at the corner of Avenue A!"_

"Wow." Angel breathed.

Mimi, however, jumped in, grabbing Roger's hand and skipping around with him.

_"Snow on the ground where you can see, let it fall as much as it may!"_

_"You will get a sentimental feeling… when you hear voices screaming 'WE WON'T PAY RENT'!"_ Maureen sang happily, hugging Joanne, and gazing at the lights on the tree.

_"Think of all the access time we've spent."_ Joanne said, bored.

_"Rocking around the Christmas Tree! Have a ham-filled holiday!"_ Collins sang, to a half-hearted glare from Angel.

_"Everyone's dancing merrily…. in a new somewhat creepy way."_ Mark stated, as the Bohos began to circle the tiny tree.

_"Rocking around the Christmas Tree, may Benny's new ham burn to a crisp!"_ Mimi sang.

_"Later we'll have some hot cocoa."_ Angel said dreamily.

"CoughStoliCough." Collins cut in.

_"And nothing rhymes with crisp."_ Roger finished.

"You will get a sentimental feeling, when you hear voices singing 'MOOOOOO!'; let's fill Benny's stocking with poo!" Maureen giggled.

"Rocking around the Christmas Tree…" Mark added, "And all that's left to say: Everyone grab your partner and leave me alone like EVERY FUCKING DAY!"

Sure enough, Mark was watching on the outskirts as all of the couples danced.

"Hahaha, tough shit, Mark." Roger said. "Hopefully Santa will grant your wish and get you a girl."

"Shut up, Roger!"

"HEY!" A voice screamed.

The Bohos stopped what they were doing, and turned to see…. ( le gasp) SQUEEGEE MAN?

"Hey, you kids!" He yelled. "Get the hell off my lawn… I mean, what the hell are you doing to my Christmas tree?"

------

I've danced around a Christmas tree while singing "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree."

You know, real-life references?

REVIEWS, para Navidad?


	7. The Song for The Man

Wow, what kind reviewers! You guys are awesome!

There have been a couple of questions about my other fanfics: They will be updated, I'm just working on this stuff now because I want to finish it by Christmas or a little afterward. Bearing that in mind, I cannot take all of your suggestions. It's nothing personal if I don't use them, trust me, I like all the ideas you've all submitted. But I've got a line to travel toward how I want this to end, and well… there's a strategy.

So, time to write some more!

As I write this, I'm listening to "Winter Light" by the amazing Adam Pascal, which is probably the prettiest holiday song I've ever heard in my entire life. XD (LOVE)

And I have a kitten sitting on my shoulder. Woohoo, multitasking!

Enjoy, and again, HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

---------

Being that the Bohos didn't know the Squeegee Man very well, and realized that he could put them through unusual yet painful harm with his Squeegee thingy, they all ran from the scene, laughing.

When they caught their breath, Mark panted into the cold night air, "Alright, guys? What next?"

"More songs!" Maureen said happily, "We're not lost anymore, so we can carol worry-free!"

Mimi and Roger, plus Angel and Collins had gone back to their favorite part of the winter romp: making out sans mistletoe.

Mark sighed as Joanne grabbed Maureen and joined in.

Utterly left out, as always, he sang to himself, "_I have a little dreidel, I made it out of clay, and when it's dry and ready, then dreidel I shall play! Oh - dreidel, dreidel, dreidel , I made it out of clay and when it's dry and ready then dreidel I shall play! It has a lovely body….with legs so short and thin, and when my dreidel's tired…it drops and then I win! Oh - dreidel, dreidel, dreidel, I made it out of clay and when it's dry and ready, then dreidel I shall play! My dreidel's always playful, it loves to dance and spin. __A happy game of dreidel, come play now, let's begin! Oh - dreidel, dreidel, dreidel, I made it out of clay, and when it's dry and ready, then dreidel I shall play!"_

"You have a little dreidel, he'll be there 'til the end, you have your tiny driedel, and not any girlfriend!" Roger sang teasingly.

"SHUT UP, ROGER!"

"Okay now that our lovable resident Jewboy has sang the Dreidel Song due to popular demand," Collins announced importantly, "We shall move on, and I know just who we can annoy the hell out of next!"

"Who?" All the Bohos asked curiously.

"Him." Collins pointed at a man standing in the shadows.

Not just A man, THE Man.

Roger and Mimi exchanged a knowing grin.

"Great idea, Collins!" Maureen exclaimed. "What should we sing to him…?"

"Let's break out…. The Song." Roger suggested boldly.

Everyone gasped.

Mimi stood; mouth agape. "Roger, do you really mean it? The Song? Do you think he can handle it?"

"I do, and do you know why?" Roger said, sounding very smart. "Because he's not just a man, so he doesn't get just a song. He's The Man and he gets The Song. Basic logic, you know?"

"You're a genius." Maureen breathed. "This is going to be fun!"

Mimi lit up as an idea hit her. "Guys, I know just the thing!"

And she ran forward toward The Man, approaching him from behind. The other Bohos followed, slowly, perplexed.

Mimi crept up behind The Man as he stood mysteriously at the corner of an alley.

"Follow The Man, follow The Man, with his pockets full of toe jam, follow The Man, follow The Man, let us sing for you, if you caannnnnn!" she sang vibrantly.

The Man turned around, surprised. A sly smile split his cheeks. "Come crawling back to me, have you, Mimi?"

"Got any gingerbread, man?" Mimi ignored his teasing and questioned.

"Huh?"

"Got any candy canes?"

"What?"

"Got any stockings, any dreidels, any candles, any Christmas tree lights, any snooooowww?" Mimi continued.

"No."

"HEY!" Roger shouted, hurling a giant snowball at The Man. "Merry Christmas, you bastard. There you have your snow."

The Man, angry, wiped the icy cold fluff from his face. "You'll regret that, Davis."

"Will I?" Roger said, as the Bohos caught up with Mimi.

"…. Lose my dignity? Will someoneee caaarrreeee?" Mark wailed soulfully.

"Mark." Roger stated. "Now is SO not the time. It was funny. Now it's just plain annoying, so stop."

Mark backed away somewhat submissively. "Okay, don't smack my head again."

The Man glared at them all. "What do you slackers want?"

"We simply want to give you a Christmas present." Maureen said, pouring fake sugar all over her words. "All right you, Bohemians! Ready to sing your song?"

"I'll say we are!" Collins said brightly.

"Yeah!" Mimi cheered.

"Let's sing it now!" Joanne said, seemingly having perked up.

"Okay, Marky?" Maureen asked.

"Okay!" Mark called.

"Okay, Angel?"

"Okay!" Angel answered.

"Okay, Roger? Roger? ROGER!" Maureen screamed.

"OKAY!!!" Roger yelled, dropping the gigundous snowball he'd been making to throw at The Man.

The Man stared, worried, and began to back into the alley, trapping himself with the Bohos.

"_Christmas, Christmas time is near!" _They chorused, _"Time for Benny to die by reindeer!"_

"_We've done good, but we need to, sing a Christmas song to you!"_ Mimi sang, delighted at the notion of annoying The Man.

"_Want a gun that shoots your head!"_ Roger said, miming shooting The Man with his fingers.

"_Me, I want him to be dead!"_ Mimi said darkly.

"_We can hardly be too nice, please Santa, give him lice!"_ Mark said, mock-inspecting The Man's greasy locks.

"Okay Bohos, get ready!" Collins directed, "That was very good, Maureen."

"Naturally." The drama queen tittered, tossing her brown locks over her shoulder.

"Very good, Marky." Collins complimented.

"Aww." Mark blushed happily.

"Ah, Roger, you were a little flat, watch it. Ah, Roger…? Roger!? ROGER!!!"

"OKAY!" Roger said, dropping the snowball again with a pout.

"_Want a sword to slice your neck!"_ Joanne and Angel sang.

"_I still want him to go to heck."_ Mimi muttered.

"_We can hardly wait to see, make The Man break his knee!" _Roger said, glaring intensely at The Man as he glared back.

"_Please Santa; make him by stuck by a bee."_ Mark added.

"_We don't want to wait any more, make him break out in sores!" _Collins said (joyful and) triumphant.

"_Please Santa, make him pay."_ All of the Bohos chorused.

"Very good, Bohos!" Joanne yelled happily.

"Let's sing it again!" Mimi screamed.

"Yeah, lets sing it again!" Angel repeated, just as delighted.

"No, that's enough, lets not overdo it." The Man spoke finally.

"What do you mean overdo it?" Maureen eyed The Man.

"We want to sing it again!" Mark protested, pouting.

"Now wait a minute, you all…" The Man tried to begin.

"Why can't we sing it again?" Maureen asked calmly.

"Yeah, you Grinch! Let us sing!" Mimi exclaimed.

"What a butthead." Angel shrugged.

"GUYS!" Roger shouted. "THE SNOW!"

With that said, all of the Bohemians knelt down and picked up some of the fluffy white goodness, rolling it between their hands.

And one by one, they pelted the drug dealer mercilessly.

"Merry Christmas, The Man!" Maureen said, looking devious.

"Davis, cut that out.. Mimi, just a minute. Collins, will you cut that out? You idiots..."

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Aw, I liked writing that, it was good fun.

REVIEWS? Reviews are like candy canes in my stocking.


	8. Collins is Gettin' Nuttin' for Xmas

Okay, time for another one!

Still listening to Adam Pascal's beautiful voice as I write. ;-)

In which Collins recounts his terrible pranks and explain why he's not getting presents this year.

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The Bohos took care to get the hell away from The Man before he killed them.

Then, once they'd taken refuge in Tompkins Square Park, Collins collapsed onto a bench, cracking up.

"Oh, friends of mine, thou art funny." He sighed delightedly, as Angel took a seat beside him, looking amazed at the snow-covered park around them.

"Yeah, did you see the look on his face?" Mimi asked excitedly. "That was hilarious!"

"Brrr." Mark said, nuzzling his nose into his scarf. "Wow, it's getting cold."

"I'm with Marky." Roger agreed, shivering in his plaid pants.

"Aw, come here." Mimi said, hugging him tightly.

"What about me?" Mark asked, bottom lip out.

"C'mere, we'll make a Mark sandwich!" Roger suggested, as he wrapped his arms around his best friend and Mimi. "I'm the Hug Master."

Joanne and Maureen huddled together on the bench as well.

"Man, what I wouldn't give for some Stoli right about now…" Collins said dreamily.

"Wait a little longer, and maybe Santa will bring you what you asked for." Angel told him.

"He won't." Collins said seriously.

"Why? Because he doesn't exist?" Angel asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

"No, because I've been a bad boy this year." Collins explained. "A VERY bad boy."

"He really has." Mark reported. "I got it all on camera and sent it to the North Pole. There's no way Santa's bringing him shit."

"Mark, you fucking snitch. Are you an elf or something? You're Jewish, man."

"Don't be such a dummy." Mark scolded. "Elves can be Jewish if they want."

Collins sighed dramatically. "Well. Nevertheless, I'm not getting a damn thing."

"What did you do, Collins?" Angel asked, astonished.

Collins stood up, let out a yawn, then danced in a circle before stopping, poised. "Allow me to explain."

He twirled a bit before singing, "_I'm gettin' nuttin' for Christmas! Marky and Santa are mad…I'm gettin' nuttin' for Christmas…'Cause I ain't been nuttin' but bad!"_

"Be sure to be specific." Mark muttered seriously.

_"I broke my bat on Roger's head; somebody snitched on me." _Collins sang, giving Mark a scathing look as he said "someone."

Roger rubbed his hair idly. "I remember that. Ow."

"_I hid a frog in Maureen's bed; somebody snitched on me!"_ Collins admitted as Maureen made a face.

"_I spilled some ink on Joanne's rug; I made Benny eat a bug; filled Mark's coffee with a bunch of slugs; somebody snitched on me."_

"That rug was expensive!" Joanne said irritably.

"Ew. Slugs." Mark stated, grossed out.

"_Oh, I'm gettin' nuttin' for Christmas. Marky and Santa are mad. I'm gettin' nuttin' for Christmas …'cause I ain't been nuttin' but bad!" _Collins pressed onward.

"_I put a tack on Mimi's chair; somebody snitched on me."_

Mimi rubbed her butt. "I was trying to do my lawn chair handcuff dance."

"_I tied a knot in Roger's hair; somebody snitched on me."_

"That took a whole fucking week to get out!"

"_I did a dance on Angel's plant."_ Collins confessed.

"It was dying anyway." Angel said, with a smile.

"_Soiled Mark's scarf and tore Roger's plaid pants."_

"Thank goodness for Clorox bleach." Mark said, cuddling his stripy love.

"WHAT?!!!" Roger shrieked, spinning around to find a giant rip in the seat of his pants. "MY FAVORITE PAIR OF PANTS, AND NO ONE BOTHERED TO TELL ME!"

"_Filled that sugar bowl with ants!"_

"They taste crunchy." Mimi said thoughtfully as Roger whipped off his coat and tied it around his waist, now shivering madly.

"_Somebody snitched on me." _Collins sang, trying not to laugh and ruin his song.

"_Oh, I'm gettin' nuttin' for Christmas,"_ he continued gazing at all of his friends_. "All my BFFS are mad. I'm gettin' nuttin' for Christmas! 'Cause I ain't been nuttin' but bad!"_

"Damn skippy." Roger replied, wanting to cry again.

"_So you better be good whatever you do!'Cause if you're bad, I'm warning you, You'll get nuttin' for Christmas!" _Mark jumped in and finished.

"Collins." Mimi stated for all of the Bohos. "You're right. You ain't gettin' a single thing."

Angel smiled. "He'll get something from me, no matter what."

"YAY!" Collins screamed joyfully.

"Why must you spoil him so?" Maureen asked Angel.

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Aw, Collins and Angel are being so ultra cute in this story.

So… REVIEWS?

:-)


	9. Plaid Pants and Jingle All the Way

Hahaha, oh man, I'm having too much fun. I'm on a roll!

Last one for tonight, though. LOL.

And now, Roger must lament about his torn plaid pantalones. Here's hoping Santa brings him a new pair, or a needle and some thread! LOL.

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Roger hugged himself, eyes sad and puppy-dog like as he shivered in the cold.

"Here." Mimi gave him her leopard print coat, for she was wearing a sweatshirt of Angel's underneath it.

"Wow, Rog, you look glamorous." Mark commented.

Collins laughed and Roger shot him a glare. "You're in no position to laugh, Collins, unless you want your internal organs rearranged."

"Over a pair of pants, Roger?"

Roger refused to meet Collins' eyes. "They aren't just a pair of pants, Collins."

Collins finally looked a little remorseful. "Roger, buddy, I'll buy you a new pair just like it for Christmas."

"You'd better." Roger said tearfully. He gazed around as passerby eyed him oddly. _"Everybody stops and stares at me…these beautiful pants are history, I have to wear a coat my girlfriend gave to me!" _He ranted.

Then he turned around, looking hopeful. _"But my one wish on this Christmas is as plain as it can be! All I want for Christmas is my new plaid pants, my new plaid pants, shiny new plaid pants! Gee, if I could only have some new plaid pants, then I live another day!"_

"Oh puh-leaze." Maureen rolled her eyes.

"_It seems so dumb that I would say, 'My plaid pants are as important as can be!' Gosh oh gee, I love them almost as much as I love Mimi!"_

"Pffft." Mimi said, laughing.

"_All I want for Christmas is my new plaid pants, some new plaid pants, gorgeous new plaid pants! Gee, if I could only have some new plaid pants, then I could have a merry Christmas!" _Roger chorused.

"Well, Roger, now I feel bad." Collins said, while laughing. "I promise to buy you a new pair exactly like those, but without the butt rip."

"Thanks, man." Roger said sincerely. "That means a lot."

"Fore the record." Mimi brought up. "You look almost as good as me in that coat, Roger."

"Um… thanks?" Roger offered.

"Um…guys?" Joanne asked. "How much longer must we continue trudging through the snow?"

"_Trudging through the snow!"_ Mimi sang, _"In a pack of seven friends!"_

"_Through the streets we go, singing all the way."_ Angel added, happy to sing another song.

"_First we tortured Benny, Mr. Grey and The Man."_ Collins listed, _"What fun it is to make them mad, as bestest as we can!"_

_"Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way! Oh what fun it is to carol after a winter day!"_ Angel chorused.

"_A couple hours ago,"_ Maureen sang, _"I thought I'd go outside, and sing some Christmas songs, with you all by my side! Roger didn't want to go, but I whipped his ass in line, and even though he's got ripped pants, I'd say he's doing fine!"_

_"Jingle Bells, jingle Bells, jingle all the way! What fun it is to carol and sing, it makes me shout 'Hooray!'"_ Mark added.

"_A few minutes ago, a story I had to tell, and now I think that Rog wants me to go to hell!" _Collins sang, laughing, _"I apologize for, my mean and cruel pranks. Except for what I did to Benny, for that I should get some thanks!"_

"_Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way! What fun it is to carol with friends after a winter day!" _Mimi said, hugging Roger as they walked on in the snow.

"_Now the sky is dark, the time is growing short, the snow is piled high, enough to build a fort!"_ Mark exclaimed, _"And yet we carol on, because we're oh so cool, even though some of us have AIDS, and are kind of being fools!"_

"_Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way! What fun it is play in the snow, and carol today!"_ Angel finished.

"For real, though, guys. I'm cold." Joanne complained.

"Come here, Pookie." Maureen cuddled with her. "I'll warm you up."

"Just a bit longer, Jo." Collins said. "I gotta see Rog walk around New York in Mimi's coat a little while longer!"

"SHUT UP COLLINS!"

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:-)

Grateful be I to those who hath blessed me with thee kindest words.

May I trifle to ask thee for another review in order to warmeth my soul? XD


	10. Enough Stoli to Fill Up a Tree

WOW, just WOW.

This is going to hit 100 reviews, isn't it? (in pure shock)

THANK YOU! You guys are too cool.

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So, due to Collins' wish, the Bohemians continued on, Roger still pouting.

"I swear, Collins, you are so mean, you're never going to get a single Christmas present ever in your whole life!" Roger protested, looking quite ridiculous as he waddled along with his ripped pants, Mimi's coat draped over his upper half, and his leather jacket around his waist, as you can imagine.

"Well, he can always count on a little something from his true love." Angel said quite cheesily, because it seems that Angel and Collins can get away with cheese easily. They are the Great Cheese Robbers.

_"On the first day of Christmas, my true love sent to me: enough Stoli bottles to fill up a tree!"_ Collins said, imagining this image with his imaginatary imagination.

_"On the second day of Christmas, my true love sent to me: Two knee-high boots, and enough Stoli to fill up a tree."_ Angel added smiling at the prospect of another carol.

_"On the third day of Christmas, my true love sent to me: a new girlfriend, two knee-high boots, and enough Stoli to fill up a tree!"_ Mark sang, seeming proud of himself.

"Wait, I thought Santa was bringing him the girlfriend." Mimi said, confused.

"Santa's Mark secret true love." Roger whispered.

"I HEARD THAT!" Mark shrieked angrily and tackled Roger from behind, pushing him into the snow facefirst.

_"On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me: Four pairs of plaid, a new girlfriend, two knee-high boots, and enough Stoli to fill up a tree!"_ Roger sang into the snow. Then he stood up, looking thoroughly frosted. "And don't take any of this out of context; I'm summarizing everyone's wishes… I don't want knee-high boots or a new girlfriend!"

Mimi gave him a satisfied smile. "We all are, Roger."

"You'd look good in knee-highs; they'd go well with your coat, Rog." Collins pointed out, to receive a smack on the shoulder.

_"On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me: five pairs of fishnets, four pairs of plaid, a new girlfriend, two knee-high boots, and enough Stoli to fill up a tree!"_ Mimi started the song up again as she brushed snow out of Roger's hair.

_"On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me: six brand new cowbells, five pairs of fishnets, four pairs of plaid, a new girlfriend, two knee-high boots, and enough Stoli to fill up a tree!"_ Maureen inserted, laughing as Joanne made a face at the new girlfriend line.

_"On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love sent to me: seven hardbound law books, six brand new cowbells, five pairs of fishnets, four pairs of plaid, a new girlfriend, two knee-high boots, and enough Stoli to fill up a tree!"_ You don't even need to know who wished for law books, do you?

_"On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me: eight Bustelos, seven hardbound law books, six brand new cowbells, five pairs of fishnets, four pairs of plaid, a new girlfriend, two knee-high boots, and enough Stoli to fill up a tree!"_ Collins sang.

_"On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me: unlimited free private dances, eight Bustelos, seven hardbound law books, six brand new cowbells, five pairs of fishnets, four pairs of plaid, a new girlfriend, two knee-high boots, and enough Stoli to fill up a tree!"_ Roger said, slyly, causing Mimi to giggle.

_"On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me: ten knitted scarfies, unlimited free private dances, eight Bustelos, seven hardbound law books, six brand new cowbells, five pairs of fishnets, four pairs of plaid, a new girlfriend, two knee-high boots, and enough Stoli to fill up a tree!"_ Mark hugged his scarf for the thousandth time.

_"On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love sent to me: eleven stuffed cows, ten knitted scarfies, unlimited free private dances, eight Bustelos, seven hardbound law books, six brand new cowbells, five pairs of fishnets, four pairs of plaid, a new girlfriend, two knee-high boots, and enough Stoli to fill up a tree!"_ Maureen threw in, excited at the concept of eleven stuffed animal versions of Elsie.

_"On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me: twelve pickle tub drums, eleven stuffed cows, ten knitted scarfies, unlimited free private dances, eight Bustelos, seven hardbound law books, six brand new cowbells, five pairs of fishnets, four pairs of plaid, a new girlfriend, two knee-high boots, and enough Stoli to fill up a tree!"_ Angel finished happily, as the Bohos smiled and plugged onward through the snow.

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Very short, but I thought to myself, **How can I get away with not using this song?**

Please, readers, I love your feedback!


	11. Guess Who's Back in Town?

Okay, so I'm trying to squeeze in some more of my ideas before it's too late. Tomorrow's Christmas Eve! So, I'm thinking that if I really want to write as many of these as I can (they're fun!) it won't end by Christmas. I'm thinking New Year's. Sound good?

Really. How much more can you all take? If it's getting old, I'll stop.

XD

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Mark walked along with his friends, humming thoughtfully.

Joanne kicked some snow with her shoe, seemingly bored. "Look at all this snow… it's getting to be too much."

"Not it's not!" Mimi said, delighted. "Snow's my favorite part of Christmas!"

"My favorite part of Christmas every year was Collins coming back and us three guys drinking and partying like animals." Mark muttered, laughing.

Roger chuckled in agreement, "A wild night was always preordained when Collins got back. That was our Christmas fun right there."

"Except getting mugged in the alley probably wasn't fun, eh, Collins?" Mimi asked, giggling.

"Well, I met Angel because of that." Collins smiled. "MY favorite part of Christmas. My Christmas Angel."

_"You better watch out, you better be prepared, better start the party, I'm telling you why, Collins is coming back to town!"_ Mark sang, chuckling as well.

"_He's bringing Stoli, and Captain Crunch; gonna find out what's got Davis' panties in a bunch!"_ Maureen added, laughing as Roger glared at her. _"Collins is coming back to town!"_

Collins; amused by the song, laughed and threw his head back, smiling and grasping Angel's fingers.

"_He calls you when he arrives, he asks you to throw down the key!"_ Roger informed.

_"He's about to meet the Angel known as me!"_ Angel threw in, giggling.

_"So be ready for goodness sake!"_ Mark warned.

_"Oh! You better watch out! You better be prepared, better start the party, I'm telling you why. Collins is back in town; Collins is back in town, COLLINS IS BACK IN TOWN!"_ All of the Bohos, even Collins chorused, still laughing.

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Shortest one yet, no?

Okay, be prepared. One of my favorite Christmas songs is next, and it's rather serious. XD


	12. My Bohemian Christmas List

And now the Boho version of "My Grown Up Christmas List."

Kind of sad in a cheesy way, just warning you.

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"What should we sing now?" Mark asked.

"Hmmm." Maureen thought.

"Well…" Angel suggested, "Mimi, do you have something you'd like to sing?"

Mimi twirled out of Roger's arms and smiled. "Actually yes. I do."

She stood, poised, and then began to sing. "_Do you remember me? I sat upon your knee, a Latina girl no older than three? Well, Santa, I'm all grown up now, became a Bohemian… somehow."_ She giggled. _"A dancer in a city of broken dreams!"_

_"So here's my only wish, my Bohemian Christmas list, not for myself, but for my world, my city!"_ She sang passionately to the sky. Several Alphabet City inhabitants stopped to watch and listen, and the Bohos paused on the sidewalk as Mimi performed.

_"No more lives torn away, then everyone could stay, and love wouldn't go astray! And everyone would find true love, and sickness would be gone, the night would turn to dawn! This is my Bohemian Christmas list."_ Mimi sang seriously.

_"__It's true that I believe, a splendid sight to see, is a pair of plaid pants, wrapped beneath our tree…"_ Roger began, taking Mimi's hand. _"Well, something more can be, more special to me: a glory that heals a hurting human soul." _He gazed at Mimi meaningfully upon the word "glory" and the other Bohos stepped forward.

_"No more hunger or disease, from sea to shining sea, just love that sets us free!"_ Maureen added, Joanne wrapping an arm around her shoulder.

_"No one would ever lose a friend, and love would pull us through, no one left lonely, blue!"_ Mark continued, watching as some of the spectators nodded. _"This is my Bohemian Christmas list."_

_"As we hold on our love burns bright and strong as the youth, and only in our heart and blood lies the one and only truth." _Collins and Angel sang together.

_"And…" _Mimi started, looking around at her friends.

_"No more love would ever die, everyone loves who tries_…" Joanne put in, as Maureen nuzzled her shoulder.

_"I'd see it in your eyes."_ Roger said to Mimi.

_"We'd forever be best friends, and sickness would never win, our love would never end, oh…."_ The Bohos chorused together. _"This is our Bohemian Christmas list."_

_"This is our strongest lifelong wish."_ Mimi added.

_"This is our Bohemian Christmas list." _They finished, hugging. The observers clapped.

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I had to do this song because I love it so much.

Sorry it wasn't at all funny. I liked it. XD

REVIEWS? (This hitting 100 thing has shocked me to the core.) Thank you!


	13. You're a Mean One, Mr Grey

Well… hello! (IMPORTANT AUTHORESS' NOTE FOLLOWS)

It's been a few days, but you know how Christmas is busy.

Hope everyone had a wonderful holiday! Mine was great fun… RENT/Roger/Adam gifts abound:D So, huggles to you all for the amazing reviews, this has been my first RENT story to hit 100. Pretty damn sweet. I know this is shameless promo, but please, if you liked the humor in this fic, you might like to check out my other humor fics? I have lots of funny stuff to read similar to this. ;)

Also, there have been some inquiries about my other Fics in Progress… I have some ideas for serious stories that may be coming your way, but in the meantime, I shall focus my hilarity upon _One, Big, Dysfunctional Family _and _User's Guide to Your New Bohemian! _Chapters for the latter come pretty easy, so expect that next. Hopefully. Then poor abandoned _OBDF _might get a chappie. 

Thanks again for the amazing support! This is the second to last chapter of this!

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The Bohos disembarked from the crowd after that little song, smiling at each other. Roger turned in a little circle and examined himself in the leopard print coat.

"This style is really growing on me." He stated. "I look so… _chic_."

"Roger… you feeling alright?" Collins waved a hand in front of his friend's face. "Not that I don't agree, it's just… WOW. Coming from you, that's wack."

"You can borrow the coat whenever I'm not using it." Mimi told him seriously.

"SQUEE!" Roger squeed.

"Hey guys!" A voice called and the Bohos turned to see a black Range Rover driving beside them. Benny was smiling at them. "I finally figured out how to get a ham without you stealing it from me!"

"Took you long enough, numskull!" Maureen laughed and pointed.

"Well, um… listen guys, the truth is… the song you sang… that was hilarious." Benny admitted. "I mean, ingenious. I suppose I ought to thank you. Otherwise my Christmas dinner would've been shit. Dinner with Ally and her father is torture… so thanks for cheering me up a bit."

There was a moment of stunned silence.

Benny got out of the car, still smiling. "So, you can go back to hating me tomorrow, if that's what you want to do…I actually expect nothing else, but honestly guys, merry Christmas… and enjoy the ham."

Finally, Angel stepped forward, quick to give Benny a hug. "Oh, sweetie. Merry Christmas to you too!"

"Yeah." Mark stated. "Merry Christmas, Benny!"

"Merry Christmas!" The Bohos echoed.

"You're still an asshole!" Roger thought to point out.

"And a happy New Year to you too, Roger." Benny said amiably, climbing back into the car. "Well, I gotta get going… Ally expects me home." He groaned a little. "Have fun guys."

"You too!" Angel chirped.

"And watch out for that Mr. Grey!" Collins called out. "He's a mean one!"

"Alright! Bye!" And Benny drove off.

Mimi was grinning. "Collins, you're a GENIUS!"

"Um… thanks? What did I do?"

Mimi spun around once, laughing, _"You're a mean one, Mr. Grey!" _She sang, making Angel giggle.

_"You really are an ass!" _Maureen exclaimed.

_"You're as cuddly as a cat turd." _Roger stated truthfully.

_"And as smelly as the trash!" _Angel shouted, holding her nose.

_"Mr. Grey… you're as bland and dulled as winter grass!" _Mark said, feeling proudly poetic and pathetic.

_"You're a monster, Mr. Grey!" _Collins caught on.

_"Your heart's been infested with rats!" _Joanne said, to "eww"s from Mimi and Maureen.

_"Your brain is full of evil; you have teeth like a cat's, Mr. Grey…" _Maureen sang happily.

_"I wouldn't touch you with a… 525,600 foot pole!" _Collins yelled in finish, arousing raucous laughter.

_"You're a vile one… Mr. Grey." _Mimi continued.

_"You lack compassion and care." _Roger joined in.

_"You're about as tender and sweet as a hungry mountain bear, Mr. Grey…" _Angel added, waiting for someone to latch on and finish.

_"Given the choice between the two of you, I'd take the… hungry mountain BEAR!" _Mark exclaimed, as Angel high-fived him.

_"You're a rotter, Mr. Grey!" _Angel put in.

_"You're the king of all the jerks!" _Maureen hooted.

_"You'd do anything to get more cash, anything that works… Mr. Grey!" _Mimi sang, prodding Collins for the next line.

_"You're a double cheese nasty burger, with cruddy shit sauce!" _Collins invented wildly.

_"You nauseate me, Mr. Grey." _Joanne pushed into the next verse.

_"With your nauseous yuppie plan." _Mimi added.

_"You're a crooked dirty old man and we'll stop you if we can!" _Mark declared boldly. _"Mr. Grey…"_

_"Your soul is a more than unpleasant sewage heap overflowing with the most disgusting odors imaginable… stuffed into a MAN!" _Collins screamed, and Angel hugged him, giggling.

_"You're a foul one, Mr. Grey…" _Maureen started.

_"You're a downright nasty bitch!" _Roger sang, _"Your heart is full of toe lint and your soul is full of shit… Mr. Grey…"_

_"No one wants to see your fugly face, no joke!" _Mimi said, laughing.

_"And your daughter's a WITCH!" _Angel added, finishing the song.

The Bohos dissolved into laughter, as they neared the loft, the cold Christmas night airbeginning to get to them.

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LOL! That was fun.

One more after this one! WOOTWOOT!

P.S. Yaay! I might be going to see Sweeney Todd tonight, YIPPEE!

Reviews delicious.


	14. Home for the Holidays

Hey…. well, it is time to end. :(

Here's the last chapter… I will miss writing this.

But thank you infinitely again and again!

Also… I have a special note.

If you all follow the stories of Stephanie Pascal, she has requested that I give you a message. And I quote: "Tell them my Internet shit the bed, and I won't be able to update for awhile." XD

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"We're home." Mark stated, almost sadly, looking up at the fire escape.

"Well… that was fun while it lasted!" Maureen exclaimed, her arms wrapped around Joanne. "Right, Roger? Admit it, you had a blast."

"Despite my plaid pants situation," Roger mused thoughtfully, "Yes… I did."

"YAY!" Maureen said, "I feel so accomplished!"

"But I'm glad to be home." Mimi pointed out.

"There's no place like home!" Angel giggled.

"I HATE THE WIZARD OF OZ." Maureen said angrily.

_"Oh, there's no place like home for the holidays,"_ Collins sang deeply, to avoid yet another infamous Wizard of Oz debate.

"'_Cause no matter how far away you roam," _Mimi caught on, laughing.

"_When you pine for the grime of Avenue A's ways,"_ Angel added.

"_For the holidays, you can't beat home, sweet home." _Mark finished.

"_I met a Squeegee Man who had an honest living, he was dreaming of, Santa Fe, and some home made pumpkin pie."_ Collins told them all, grabbing Angel's arms and spinning her around.

"_In Santa Fe folks are gathering around a huge feast at the table, even though the thought makes us pine, we get by with what we're able!"_ Maureen continued.

"_Oh there's no place like home for the holidays, 'cause no matter how far away you roam, if you want to be miserable in a million ways, for the holidays, you can't beat home, sweet home."_ The Bohemians chorused.

"_Take a subway, take a walk… enjoy the scenery!"_ Roger waved around.

"_Put your ham in the Rover, Benny…for the dinner you'll attend."_ Collins said, eyeing the ham he still had.

"_When you throw down that key…. how happy you'll be!"_ Mark sang loudly.

"_I met the Man down on Avenue B, with a snowball in his face, and he was having the most pleasurable holiday yet, and when he discovers his tires slashed, it'll be even better for him yet!"_ Roger told them, laughing.

"_From Avenue A to Avenue Q, only the greatest fun will do!"_ Angel added.

"Oh there's no place like home for the holidays, 'cause no matter how far away you roam, if you want to be happy in a million ways, for the holidays, you can't beat home, sweet home. For the holidays, you can't beat home, sweet home." They ended, climbing the stairs to the loft.

"Now, I'll warm my tootsies in front of the wood-burning stove and make cocoa with cinnamon... and little gingerbread cookies too! And I'll be merry. So ha!" Roger said triumphantly.

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Well, that's it.

Thanks for reading! AND REVIEWING. I will not forget that this was my first RENT 100.


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